Fear

Wow, I am afraid. I could put to sleep my worries about student teaching and what would come after (for the most part) all up until I received an email from someone who is considering accepting me as their class’s student teacher.

Reality shook me awake; however, I had just finished my second cup of coffee for the day as well…

Immediately I rushed to my room to scrounge through notes I’d kept from teaching classes and communications classes, I texted a girl I knew had already student taught to unpack my worries, I called my boyfriend to say “I’m so scared! I can’t do this!”, I cursed myself for not organizing all of my Word documents as I sifted through them to find ANYTHING  that may prepare me for an interview with this potential Cooperating Teacher.

I am afraid.
Typing this, I honestly want to cry. I am so overwhelmed and I don’t exactly know where to start. I feel like a fraud: Maybe I can stuff myself with information that will cloak me in “credibility” and completely fool this experienced teacher into thinking I am the right candidate for her class. People keep telling me, “You are qualified,” “You have the skill set,” “You’ve taken all the courses,” so why do I feel so unprepared and scared?

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This is me. Eight days away from turning 23 and not feeling ready for any of it.
I know that it’s a mindset.
I know I have to change the way I’m viewing these new upcoming experiences.
I have to remind myself that I do have the skill set and the resources to be successful and believing that will be the hardest part.

I’m sure that self assurance will be the hardest part and if I’m right, then maybe I can do this. I know I have a strong mind and a passionate heart for teaching. I hope to let these assertions fuel me as I move forward and hopefully turn my stress into something positive that will thrust me into greatness!

This is why I reflective-write. Because it always begins so chaotically, but it always ends with some optimistic insight for the future.

 

 

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Author: Aufhebensite

Education embodies movement: Moving away from the person you are one day to a better person the next; consistently striving for what the Germans call Aufheben: The movement of canceling, preserving, and elevating thought. New information, new knowledge and new truths will consistently bring about cognitive dissonance—discomfort with previously made assertions, and there will be a need to take steps back, reevaluate, cancel and or keep, preserve and continue to elevate one’s thoughts. Transform one’s thoughts, transform one’s person. Education is by no means a way of perfecting a person in one sense or another; it’s about movement and personal growth.

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