“Girls like you”

Background info: I was listening to this song yesterday (Girls like you by The Naked and Famous) on my way home from Rockford (visiting the boyfriend). It was on an old playlist I made awhile ago called “happysongs<3” which is funny, because it’s not all that happy!
I was this girl that the song talks about in so many ways. 
[What would you do if you lost your beauty?
How would you deal with the light?
How would you feel if nobody chased you?
What if it happened tonight?
How would you cope it the world decided to
Make you suffer for all that you were?
How could you dance if no-one was watching]
This part resonates so deeply. I think in fourth grade is when I realized how important it was to be pretty. This girl named Ciara ended up “dating” this boy that we both decided we liked the year prior. Back then, we had kind of accepted that we could share him…just a few young lovers (just kidding). The reason why he picked her seemed so obvious! She was flawless. I hadn’t been too aware or, or more so concerned about my  appearance until then.
Then I wanted mascara. Then I wanted contacts. There began this obsession with my shell; my skin, my face, my “beauty”.
Starting to wear makeup as early as I did was probably one of my biggest mistakes because I stopped honoring my unmade self.
I think back to a lesson in a college course called Adolescence and a term called “False self-behavior” which is acting in a way that’s unauthentic to you.
When I made myself up, I made myself temporarily forget the fact that I was insecure about how I looked. I didn’t think I looked pretty enough for a boy to like me. I compared myself to every other girl in school. I was not happy.
But with my mask, I could breathe for a little while.
When I started going to High School, the list of things that I wanted to change about my appearance seemed infinite. I put so much energy into being the girl that they talk about in this song: The girl who could only feel her worth  if someone looked twice.
The girl who could only feel her worth if she was wanted for that flimsy, temporary shell.
I was so fragile then, yet I tore myself to pieces and practically gave myself away to feel like I was enough.


Everyone will remember you when you’re gone

I just wanted someone to remember me when I left, but very few did.
When I think into my future at the possibility of having a girl of my own, I think about how I’m going to begin solidifying her self-worth in the parts of herself that can’t be seen.The most beautiful people I’ve seen, to this day, have bloomed before my eyes when they open their mouths and talk; when they laugh; when they dance or perform a skill they’re good at…
When I see them showing love to another person;
Shedding light on subjects I thought I had made sense of;
Acting in ways that were authentic to who they are.
I love myself the most today because I know the majority of my beauty comes from being authentic to who I am…and I’m pretty great. 
Besides my maybe-someday-daughter, I’ll be reminding my students of this. I’ll want to tell them
“I know that it feels important right now to be “wanted,” to be “attractive” and to be “cool” and “accepted.” I will tell you right now that what people really want is the truth. The most attractive person, is the most kind. The coolest people are the people who are true to themselves and not ashamed to do so. Please don’t be anyone besides who you are, because life will be harder down the line. Figuring out how to love yourself will be harder down the line. When do you feel the most alive? When are you proud of yourself? What makes you happy? Answer those questions to yourself and do all of those things as much as you can. Honoring your true, uncensored self will bring you self-love as well as genuine love from others.”
I think girls (AND boys) need better songs, because “long legs,” “sunbathed skin,” “blue-eyes”…they only go so far. And when they’re gone, how will people love who they are?
“Girls like you” 
By The Naked and Famous
Whirlwind run
Further and further away
Into the sun
In, 20 minutes
Everyone will remember you when you’re gone
And your heart, is a stone
Buried underneath your pretty clothes
Don’t you know people write songs about girls like you?
What will you do when something stops you?
What will you say to the world?
What will you be when it all comes crashing
Down on you little girl?
What would you do if you lost your beauty?
How would you deal with the light?
How would you feel if nobody chased you?
What if it happened tonight?
How would you cope it the world decided to
Make you suffer for all that you were?
How could you dance if no-one was watching
And you couldn’t even care if they were?
What would you do if you couldn’t even feel?
Not even pitiful pain
How would you deal if the indecision
Eating away at the days?
Don’t you know people write songs about girls like you?
About girls like you
About girl like you
Everything you say is higher
All the things that make you lighter
Everything you say is higher
See it in the grey you crier